I have a great interest in reading social issues related polls on Facebook or any other site out there on the internet, checking out the results, reading hashtags that talk about social issues on Twitter and so. After all, who isn't curious to take a look inside people's homes, even if it's just a glimpse through poll results, or funny tweets in a hashtag on Twitter, mo matter how shallow you might perceive it, if you looked closely and carefully, you might see something deep in them.
From these readings and looks, glimpse here and a glimpse there I realised something: our homes (may be it's just in Egypt ,since most of the polls and hashtags I read are about Egyptian society, but I think this may be a world wide thing) really are more or less alike, as one user described it on Twitter:" I feel as if they made copies of my parents and put one copy in every home out there :D".
He might sound like he's joking but that is true, it's like there are some parenting rules that parents follow, or an instinct, something in our genes that no matter how we think, or well, our parents, think they're different from each other, they're actually the same deep down. Even if they look at themselves as being "more liberal and open minded" that "open mind-ness" is still limited, it's just that some have different boundaries or some have different fields upon which they impose such limitations (like parents who have limitations regarding social issues, others have limitations regarding political issues, or imposing their opinion on their kids because "we're older so we are just right"). Only few make it out of these limits or rules but they say irregularities emphasise rules (or so they say here in Egypt).
Parents are our safety nets, they're are..well, our parents, they protect us, they may get even too protective while doing so, but we can't blame them, they want what's best for us, they see themselves more experienced and they want to pass this experience along to us. They want us to avoid making the same mistakes they once did, to avoid living through the rough circumstances they had to live and go through.
But how much protection is too protecting?how much guidance is allowed before guidance and advice turn into interference in your kids's lives that cancels out their personalities, making them grow up so dependent on you that they can't cut it out their on their own because they have been floating in a jar filled with your ideas and opinions about life that they can't make their own while living out there in real life, just like a fish dragged out of water to land?
One thing I noticed in common between Twitter users and poll takers on the web, they have an issue with their parents because their parents want to choose for them, of course the problem ranges, some parents interfere about what college should the kids go to, what classes to study, what jobs to seek, some even interfere about who to marry or even what political point of view or party to adopt and follow. The problem can be felt in Egypt because of the different social standards, customs and habits of the Egyptian society from say, a western society. We grow very attached to our parents.
Our religion, as muslims , asks us to be good and kind to our parents, look after them and obey them, within limits of course, but in a society that uses religion to impose ideas and wrong concepts even if they're not mentioned in religion, the society has a good talent of twisting religion, and pretty much anything, to give power to ideas it tries to impose on members, especially those who think differently (try being a socialist in a capitalism-loving family or a social reformist in a family that believes in old values that you're trying to fight and reform).
Take for example a well know argument they resort to when they speak about how obedient you should be to your parents, when they speak about prophet Ibrahim (Abrahams in English if I'm not mistaken) and how his son agreed to be slaughtered when Ibrahim said that he saw a dream of him slaughtering his son, or when Ibrahim asked the same son to divorce his wife, after she complained about her husband, Ibrahim's son, and how poor they are and how Ibrahim's son doesn't spend more money on the house (both stories are in our religion) , but they forget one thing: they're not prophets. Their opinion can be right as much as it can be wrong.
What they can do is pass us, their kids, their knowledge, their experience and their points of views to help us make a more enlightened decision, because after all, this is our life, if it's a good call we yield the results, if it's a bad one, we are the ones who have to deal with consequences.
Yes, we are young, sometimes foolish, from our parents point of view, but you can't try to put pressure, use your kids love to you for instance, in order to push your kids in the direction you think it's right, because the prospective of right and wrong can change from person to person, can vary according to goals and circumstances, what was right few years ago may not be right now, what's right for him may not be right for you.
And yes, kids will err, they will fall and they will hurt, it's nature of life, hold on too tightly and this would be damaging to them than actually erring and learning from it, they may try to get some freedom of their own, snitch some when you're not looking, resulting in quiet a reckless personality or would result in a weak one, but if you let go too much it won't give nice results either, families have been destroyed because of letting go too much, something between both will do the trick.
Support them when they fall, guide them out of the trouble if you can, the whole "I told you so" or "I was right" attitude would award you being their last resort when they're in trouble, and no parent would want to be his kids last resort, right?
Be friends with your kids and listen to them, after all, all what you wish for them is a happy life not to be their boss or prove to them that you are always right.
